Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just invented taco cereal.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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