why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
