remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
