I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
