So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
