i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
