I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
