I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
