just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize