I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
