It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
