how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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