Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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