wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
