You're completely useless in the revolution.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
