She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
