Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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