I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
