Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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