Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
