dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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