We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
