Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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