ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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