i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Never underestimate the power of titties
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
