i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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