my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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