At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
