I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
