From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
