I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
