had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
