I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
