I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just high enough for therapy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize