I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
