i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
