The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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