Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
