In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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