If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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