i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
