if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
