Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
