i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
