Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
