hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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