She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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