Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
