dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
