we have pet lesbian snakes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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