You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
