Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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