dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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