I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
