and you said cock pushups were impossible
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
