It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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