If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i think i just lost a toe
God I need to hump something, right now.
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