woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
