what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
