i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
