One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
