Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
