You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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