Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
