you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
