If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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