Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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