wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
