I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
