he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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