Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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