I will die if light touches me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
