We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
