Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
