i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
