Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
