apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
