Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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