i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize