Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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