She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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