Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
