Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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