wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
