i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize