I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
