he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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