Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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