you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
